My own version of throwback to 2015

2015 was, me doing kind of these things.

- Had an opportunity to challenge myself through Thesis. Yes, it was a bit hard to did the Thesis without any guidance from your seniors, cause I got none. It was challenging to find certain topic that suits you well so that you're going to love your Thesis. Also. it was a bit tricky to playing hard to get with your advisor. At the end of the day, she was the one who being real nice to my Thesis. Without her help, I might never got what I wanted. I'll be thankful toward her everyday if I can.

Let me tell you a little bit about my advisor, it was kinda funny. Last year, she taught me Visual Design Communication 3. The moment she entered my class, and being real fussy to all of us, I whispered to one of my friend who sat next to me : 

"I want her to be my advisor, what do you think?". 

She said "Don't you think she's a little bit, ehm you know...." 

"Captious?" I finished her sentence, she nodded. 

"Yeah I know, I might need that. Just like what Mba Vahsti did to me, turns out she's not even make a comment about my project at all back then. She trusted me. I need to be captious tho, you know"

"Ah, whatever"

Then, 5 months later, all of sudden, I didn't even ask Thesis Department to help me find the best Thesis Advisor they got. I just got her. What a fate. 

 

- Being closer to research somehow. One of my lecturer who's in charge in Research and Community Service (later my boss) called me on January, offering me a position as Research Assistant at ASEAN PR Studies Centre owned by LSPR. I was a little bit shock back then. But I remember, a year ago Miss Fiona said to me that I had to get a little closer with research if I'm really serious about getting myself into academic world. At that time, I was in the middle of some confusion cause I still got 3 classes and yet I needed to do internship as part of my credits. 

Without hesitation, I took the job. It was total fun, it is so fun even until today. Every month we had monthly event, I got close to the other staff there. CK, Khina, and Koko, later Kak Phele, are the best colleagues you could ever ask for. May 2015, my great and kind boss, once again offered me a permanent position. I got my first ever real job this year. How fortunate. 

- I decided to participate LSPR's Got Talent audition. 2015 was my final year here. And I felt a little bit guilty. I'm not going to discharging myself without a little piece of contribution. Long story short, I became one of the finalists in singing category. After 2 months of participating in so called boot camp, here comes the grand final. October 15th, just 4 days before my Thesis Defense, I got 2nd Runner Up from this competition. I don't do bullshit but really, it was never cross my mind that I'll ever win this.

- After I created my own drama with my Thesis, I pronounced graduated at October 19th 2015. The defense was amazing, though It was a little bit awkward to be on trial with 80 years old professor of communication. But, I did that after all. 

- September 2015, one of my dream to be a Lecturer Assistant finally came true. I even got 2 classes. One, is something that related to my major, Advertising. It's Commercial Publishing subject. The other one, is Statistics. Weird, I know. But I do always enjoy myself around maths. 

- BG Award Finalist, Citra Pariwara. All thanks to Wafi, my mate and my partner. I think I'll get a lot of cursed from all of my friends at Advertising UI 2010, cause they know too well that I'm not into award thingy. I even made some jokes for those who got real ambition into advertising award. Again, I would like to do something at least before I graduated. It was a really great opportunity tho. I finally got a chance to met Mbak Reddia again. And to be able to gathered around with advertising people and practitioners is a big gift for me. Guess I missed advertising world real bad. 

- Graduation Ceremony at December 3rd. As usual, my friends from Advertising UI were there even on the weekday. Thankful. I met all of people that I would like to meet. Of course my boss. I even arranged my boss to my parents. I met my office mates, Pak Ari, Mam Hera, my advisor Mam Dina, and even Mam Detty. Of course I took a lot of pictures with them. What a blast moment. 

For me, 2015 is a bit tricky. 80 percents are made from happiness. The other 20 percents just some bad luck. I guess, life doesn't always have to be perfect, right? So is human and people. This year was a very amazing year for my life. 

One thing that I still longing about is, to let things go. I haven't got that big heart to do that. Or I'm just too scared. 2015 not always that happy. There was certain moment when I cried like crazy over a thing that I can't be explained from 2007. There was a time when I screamed "It hurts" too many times. Moreover, I thought about loneliness constantly cause nobody, nobody seems to understand this kind of situation I've been dealing with. I don't blame them, never. It was on me.
But, that is what makes my life in 2015 perfect. Because, when I had time to think down, God gave me all this moment above. A moments to be thankful for. 

I think, I will not set my bar and standard as well as bull crap resolutions for 2016 (except for diet thingy hehe). I know it too well that beautiful 2015, happened because I didn't expect anything from the very beginning. I should have done that from the past time though. But, it'll go better. 2016 will do better, I have a strong faith in it. 

Happy New Year!

1/365

Sleep, Dream, and Waking Up

Sleep it off, they said
Because everything is going to be normal again once you wake up

Then I closed my eyes,
Images flashed around my mind
It was you. Again.
Somewhere, someplace where we finally conquered the world

Now I'm confused
Should I shut my eyes still,
perhaps forever?
or wake up and face the reality?

I can't stay conscious
My mind will always show your face.

It's a myth.

I don't want to sleep again,
because you always popped up in my dreams.

Was, Were

"I'm not even so sure, but
I even went to your favorite place,
hoping that you were not there

Cause I don't even know
how to act
when you're actually here and there"

Malam Malam Lenje

Hari ini aku tidak kudapatkanmu,
nyata sudah ketakutanku.

Akulah orang yang paling menyadari saat ini,
kau tidak perlu berkata, aku sudah paham.
Namun aku risau,
aku tidak ingin tangis itu jatuh lagi,
aku ingin kau bertumpu,
berbaring, dan terlepas.
Tenang, ada aku kok.
Jika kau hilang tonggak,
aku batumu.

Membingkas aku dari delusi.
Menyaksikan keganjalan.
Kulihat sesosok,
Itu kau!
Bukan kau,
bukan kau.
Putus asa.

Aku jera,
mendambakanmu bukanlah hal yg sederhana,
habis waktuku untuk mengitar dan merayau.
Tapi, ku ulangi terus.
Walau lelah ketempat yg lebih tinggi,
mendaki demi sebuah figur.
Kukeruk semuanya,
demi seberkas asa.

Lucunya,
Kau bahkan tidak akan pernah merasa,
karena semuanya kubuat dengan jarak.

Mata bertemu mata, aku tersenyum seperti biasa.
Topeng kupakaikan,
kusembunyikan lelahnya eskpedisi ini,
seolah kita bertemu karena takdir.
Lalu, kau akan merangkulku lagi,
tanpa tahu leburnya hati ini
jika kau melakukannya.

All About You

My life is pretty bored, in other to make some colors in it, I choose TVs and Movies to be the crayon. Lately, this past year actually, I've been caught up with AFI list. You know, AFI has its way to make a listing, 100 of them. From "all the time" category into more specific categories such us "laugh", "cheer", "passions" etc. Let me ask, do you know what movie that got the first position in the AFI chart? 

No! It's not Avengers. Gosh.

It's Citizen Kane. Released in 1941.

I wasn't even born yet. Worst, even my country hasn't even got its independency. 

Anyway, watching TV and Movie is always a real pleasure for me. Don't get me start on how much TV series that I've been watched, about my personal favorite movies, etc. If you have forever, that I'll do it.  

This month I found a really great TV show from Netflix called Frankie and Grace.

Fuck, that was good. Real good. This is basically comedy, but a comedy who can also turn your emotion upside down, just like Parks and Recreation, in a romantic and frantic way. 

Then, cause of Grace and Frankie which played by the amazing Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, I traced back her movies one by one. Until I realized, I forget how long I left my AFI movies collection. Then I found a good one from that "passions" list. Titled, On Golden Pond. 1981. Played by young Jane Fonda, her old man Henry Fonda and the great Katherine Hepburn. This was the last movie played by Henry and he's got the Academy Awards for his very last role. 

The point is, I love how this classic movies works. The scoring, the minimalist frame, the accent actors/actresses, the limitation even make things more beautiful. 

Oh thank God, I'm that lucky to realize that this movies are just priceless. 

Wait, till I talk about Meryl and Diane in other post. Nah, you'll be tired of listening me adoring and worshiping her. 

Okay, next I will watch Lawrence of Arabia, 1962, number 7 from AFI's Greatest American Films of All Time. Do you want to join?

Rendezvous (5 Seconds)

bahagia

seolah tidak tahu apa yang akan terjadi di masa datang
harapan baru bermunculan
setiap kali kau melintas

lagi lagi,
kita tidak butuh 2 jam untuk berfantasi bersama
tidak perlu ungkapan secara implisit.
aku begitu mengenalimu
gesturmu
kelembutan tanganmu saat mendekapku lebih dekat
senyuman bulan sabit mu

aku hanya butuh 5 detik untuk menikmati semuanya

aku pernah sekali mendengar,
kau berkata kepada yang lain,
setelah pertemuan 5 detik itu,
bahwa,
akulah yang kau banggakan.

seseorang menyampaikan padaku juga
katanya,
kau mengindahkanku,
kau memujiku dan memujaku
setelah pertemuan 5 detik itu.

lebih baik seperti ini,
walaupun selalu singkat
aku sungguh lebih ingin tahu dengan cara demikian,
dibanding kau menyampaikannya secara langsung.
nanti, aku jadi berharap lebih
nanti, aku meninggi
dari 5 detik menjadi 1 menit
tak kubiarkan diri ini terbang lebih jauh.

Somewhere I'm A Sailor Who Sailed The Ocean

Somewhere I'm an Oscar winner
for the category Best Original Screenplay
a play based on my extraordinary life

Somewhere I'm on the other universe
where we sit in a table of two
enjoying our breakfast at Port Orchard.

Somewhere, I want to start gardening
then do it over and over again
for the rest of my life

Somewhere I want to be a wedding singer
to embrace every single happy love song

Somewhere I want to dig my own grave
so I don't have to worry about
the day I die

Somewhere I'm a campaign manager,
who could make Hillary win the 2016 race

Somewhere I live a very fine life
with 2 adorable kids and
a perfect partners to be cuddled

Somewhere I'm not waiting for the miracle,
you on the other hand, waiting for my final answer

Somewhere I'm a successful practitioner
yet I'm also a compassionate lectures

Somewhere
Somewhere
Where you and I are not even exist

No happy end. Just happy without an end.