Naturally disaster.

Everyday, I cast this mantra 

"I don't wanna be you, I won't be you"

Cause I have every reasons to hate growing up with you in it. 

Not that I am being a bitch and become ungrateful. 

People just won't like the idea of disastrous relationship

Society won't accept that because that's not ideal. 

I feel thankful towards life, I prayed to God almost every morning for this breathe. 

Hence, I appreciate every aspect that happened in my life.

My family, my food, my surrounding, my boring existence, my friends, my job. 

Tried to live my life to the fullest. 

I suppressed my emotions in order not to make them hurt.  

On the other hand, you didn't value this as much as I am

You broke people.

You grumbled, you whined. A lot. 

You didn't think when you speak. 

You understated people, chose them as if you're THE very great 

You made people need you with your mind game. 

You hurt them. 

So, I won't, I refuse, growing up like you are. 

But, there's this fear, that I might growing up just like you

Only cause I've been avoiding this situation so bad. 

Alone in Love

If someone asked me, what is your all-time favorite K-drama, I would gladly tell ‘em, Alone in Love (연애시대). People around me know that I am madly in love with quiet drama. I don’t like a hustle bustle capital city setting. I like it quiet and focus on the cast’s acting and story. Alone in Love is the only K-drama that got me thinking too hard. Though this drama was premiered in 2006, I watched it in 2009, at my high school sophomore days. The story based on the Japanese novel called Renai Jidai by Hisahi Nozawa.

The story tells you about a divorced couple. No, they were not a Cinderella type of story who perhaps got divorced because of their family disapproval or something. Simply to put it, the story was decent. Eunho is an ex-swimming athlete who worked at sport complex as a gym trainer. While Dongjin, the guy, worked as a manager at a bookstore. They met at Donjin’s book store back then. They fell in love shortly after. They got married and got a divorce 2 years later. But even after the divorce their life still stumbled upon each other as Eunho and Donjin still ate breakfast at the same restaurant, they both still hanged out at their usual beer place. 4 of them, Eunho, Dongjin, Junpyo, Dongjin’s best friend since childhood, and Jiho, Eunho’s sister. Somehow it doesn’t take any geniuses to know that Eunho and Dongjin were still tied up to each other. Only they didn’t know, or they were just too afraid.

During 16 episodes you could find the emotion and the sentiment between Eunho and Dongjin, the acted like they don’t care about each other, but deeply they cannot ignore each other. Especially when one decided to help the other to find love in their life. Upon seeing this drama, you need to pay attention to the monologue both had. This drama have the most beautiful monologue ever. It contains each other minds and their real feelings, mostly their hesitation and their interpretation of love. This drama succeed at making me cry all the time. It was hard at first to understand a slow pace and quiet drama like Alone in Love. But to be honest, the story was that simple.

There are 5 highlight scenes that could make me cry over and over again:

• Episode 7, when Yuri confronted Dongjin about his relationship with Miyeon and spilled the beans about Eunho’s plan to not to have kids after losing her baby years ago.
• Episode 13 when Eunho visited Dongjin’s apartment, she used to live there as well and she scanned and reminisced every room to their beautiful past.
• Episode 14, the most painful 4 minutes time in this drama where Eunho sang a “Thank You” song for Dongjin at his wedding after Eunho finds out about the truth about her ex-husband whereabouts the day they lost the baby.
• Episode 15, Eunho’s damaged behavior after Dongjin’s got married. At the end of the episode, Dongjin realized all his feelings and chased Eunho after Jiho lied to him about her suicide plan. 
• Episode 16, Eunho frequently called her dad to seek some advice through his radio show as a anonymous caller, mostly talking about her relationship with Dongjin, and at the end, Eunho’s father recognize his daughter voice all this time. And Eunho’s last monologue was so imaginable.

Alone in Love represented a very ordinary life of a Korean couple. Son Yejin casted as Yoo Eunho and Kam Woosung as Kim Dongjin, they both have an ordinary job. The drama doubted and critically acclaimed as the most realistic drama ever. Despite their low ratings, they have a small dedicated fan base.

I am crazy about this drama, every time I felt down, I will look for this drama and watch the episode 15 and 16 in particular. The drama brought me back to South Korea the second time, because the first time I visited Korea, I didn’t get a chance to visit the drama set. Funny that I circled around Bundang to find the Dunkin’ Donuts they used to eat for breakfast, and it was vanished years ago. But I can still gazed over Tancheon stream, Eunho’s bicycle track that she took every morning.

Up until now, I haven’t found any other romantic melo-drama with a simple story and a great cast like this drama. I still adoring its quietness. 

Unstoppable longing

I still remember the breeze, the winter that wind blows in my face
Forcing my hands to squeezed my body even tighter
We just walked outside the subway exit, and the weather always being unfriendly
Well what to expect, it’s the cold season,
But for some odd reason I love to be in this situation
I would play it over and over.
It’s almost dawn, The night will mostly kill me
I look at the sky, the darkness will soon come and greet
And after, I see the sun just hide behind the skyscrapers
The gradient was exceptionally beautiful
Orange, with a little bit of yellow, red and purple, touch of brown as well
The purple making it more beautiful.
We then arrived at our destination, a music store.
I remember I let you inside, while I demanded to wait outside,
Feel like suicidal in this climate.
But there you were, I could see the perfect sun was about to set.
I toom so many deep breathe and smiled to the view
It was rare for me to enjoy the perfect images at this hour with my crazy life back home.
I could only stare at the light, so beautiful to the point I didn’t even realize that I shed some tears. So many tears.
I didn’t even know why.

I still remember that time vividly and every time I get to reminisce this, I would end up crying like a baby. I am longing to enjoy that perfect time again, if only this life was different.
This is so hard, to ever feel like this that now everything’s gone.

Damba Mendamba

Sejujurnya aku sungguh sangat egois. Kenapa pada akhirnya aku merindukan kehadiran seseorang di samping ku, semuanya semata mata karena aku lelah sendirian. Aku lelah menghadapi dunia ini sendirian, aku lelah bertarung dengan pahitnya hari hari sendirian. Aku mempunyai banyak kisah yang dapat kubagikan, semuanya sungguh menarik. Aku juga punya banyak air mata yang ingin aku sampaikan. Aku merindukan hadirnya seseorang itu disampingku. Aku ingin menumpahkan semuanya kepadamu, karena ya kamu bertanggung jawab atas ku. Kamu harus, suka atau tidak suka mendengarkan isi hatiku. Aku ingin membagikan mimpi – mimpi bodohku denganmu, dan lagi lagi kamu harus suportif, tidak harus diwujudkan, paling tidak kamu dapat berpura pura tertarik. Lagian mana mungkin aku mewujudkan mimpiku yang ingin tinggal di antartika selama setahun? Bahkan aku ingin menyeret mu ke dalam mimpiku juga, supaya aku ga sendirian. Sungguh egois. Aku ingin bercerita tentang hariku dalam dekapanmu, tentunya kamu juga dapat membagikan apapun yang ingin kamu sampaikan kepadaku, aku janji untuk mendengarkan semuanya. Karena kita sudah berjanji bukan? Kamu boleh menceritakan mimpi mimpi irasional mu kepadaku, tentang menjadi astronot mungkin, walaupun kamu bahkan tidak mengerti apa apa tentang fisika, aku terima kamu apa adanya jika memang kamu ingin jadi astronot hanya untuk terlihat keren dimata dunia. Aku akan dukung semua mimpi besar mu, dan mimpi mimpi kecil kita. Aku merindukan keberadaanmu disampingku, aku ingin sekali kau hadir disini, memeluk ku erat ketika dunia berbalik menyerang ku habis habisan. Aku menyadari kamu mungkin tidak bisa berbuat banyak, tapi melihat wajahmu saja sudah memberiku kekuatan. Ingatlah, kamu itu rumahku. Aku ingin sosok itu ada disampngku, aku ingin mendeklarasikan bahwa kamu adalah satu satunya orang yang paling tepat berdiri disampingku, begitu pula dengan aku dihidupmu. Aku mendambakan seseorang yang bertanggung jawab atas hidupku, atas kisah kisah ku tidak menarik, atas lelucon ku yang sungguh seleranya dibawah rerata. Aku sangat ingin memilikimu,seutuhnya.

Tuhan aku mendambakan dia lagi, aku mendambakan dia di hidupku, dia yang seperti itu, bisakah aku memilikinya dalam waktu dekat? Aku butuh dukungan darinya. Akhir akhir ini aku kurang berfungsi. Aku butuh hidup ku berjalan seperti sedia kala.  

2nd - #Haiku

If only she could,
Heading towards dawn to dusk
She won’t scream for help

#Haiku #575

1st - #Haiku

Today she promise To look after her heart first Whatever it takes

#Haiku #575

Endless pray

I just want you to know, God
That my plans were perfect
I calculated it
I divided it into this and that.
It was perfect.
But I only made it into one.
One thing will lead to another, I thought
But, life doesn't really work that way, does it?
I make a big A plan, without even bother to create another plan B
When it turned me down, it felt like a thousand bricks hit me at the same time.
It was perfect God, let me tell you once again.

But, it sets me to see things clearly
That my plan wasn't perfect enough
It's all me, it's all my greediness, it's all my selfishness,
I know it too well, that yours are better.
Yours will be beautiful
Yours will be eternity
Don't let me hope less, God.
I'm a believer, I believe in You.
Not because my parents believe in you,
I've seen how You shaped me for the past 24 years,
and You still do,
and You never ever leave my side.
I want You to do things like You did to me once again.
This time, it's not all about me, You perfectly know that.

I beg You.